MY STORY, MY PATH

My purpose in life, is to support the healing journey of others. 

To do this with my full heart, I needed to heal myself first. 

In this journey, I died a million deaths. 
Yet I was reborn, time and time again.  
Getting closer to my heart every step on the way 

And here I am, sometimes weaker and vulnerable 

Never the less stronger at all levels 

Through my own healing process, I know: 

I CAN, we can heal ourselves! 

If we connect with our own intuition, 

if we trust the process, 

if we have an open heart, 

And if we ask for guidance.  
 
If you want my guidance, I am here to accomplish my purpose 

To support the collective into a deeper state of consciousness 

More awake, aware, mindful, perceptive and sentient 

By following the individual pursuit: we all wish to have back a lost connection and heal 

Let me share my very first conscious moment with you: 

I was around one year old, in diapers. My body-skin burning. Colored in red. Itching from head to toe. I longed for someone to hold me and sooth my pain. Yet the smallest rub bothered me to the point of crying. 

Pain was a starting-point of my life-journey. And it guided me to where I am today. 

In my childhood years, when the allergies hit in, I would hide from the world in silence. Alone with my ache and disconfort. In isolation. That’s how I coped. 

Today I know: it was my body screaming as loud as it could.  
Screaming, so that my parents and beloved ones would hear. 

Questions to you: 

What does your body want the world to know?  
What is the source of your pain or suffering?  
And in what way, has this shaped your life until today?  
(These questions can be your greatest teacher. Together, we can work on this.) 

Born in Bogota (Colombia), I grew up in a middle-class family.
Loved by my wonderful parents (should I name them? Lilia and Nando, my brother Juan and my nanny Tata, who has been  like a “second” mum to me.
Life was overall good.

Yet something felt “wrong and different” within me.
Something, my eyes couldn’t see.
As if the full story about myself was invisible to me. 

At the age of five, this feeling became very strong.
My senses were on alert. Little things, like the smell of my parents felt alien to me. 
I literally sensed and told myself several times during my childhood: these are not my parents.
My intuition was strong:
But my surrounding told me to calm down. So, I did. 

Sine I was a teenager, I was driven by an existential urge to understand the purpose of life and why I am here in this world.
This urge alienated me from many  friends. But I was willing to pay the price. Loneliness, alienation,while putting my energy in none honoring relationships – nothing scared me away. I enrolled in various programs to learn since I was 18. 

At 21, a love story caught me, and I faced a deep crisis, how about if everyone that I love abandone me. A crisis that shook me to the core.
In this crisis, I first discovered breathwork and Master plant medicine.
Both became key to my healing process and accompany me my entire life – until today. 

Many years of studies followed.
I completed hundreds of hours of breathwork and supervisions, studied different religions, travelled to various cultures, learnt different languages, grew, fell, and learnt more. It was all about understanding human beings as a hly whole, where the body, the mind, the emotions and the spirit were a unit. Could be that we are like Avatars of a greatest infinite consciousness? 

Sometimes I didn’t know why I was doing what I was doing, but I always followed my inner call.
Getting closer to my heart every time. 

Many breathwork sessions were cathartic:
I killed my father, I was a mean witch ready to kill, 
In another I found myself in a womb so cold and dark, I knew, I wasn’t welcome. 

With my intuition growing stronger, I  knew very clear that I deeply wanted to become a mother.
But that I needed to heal my own mother first. 

Questions:
Can you hear your intuition?
What does it tell you? Is the physical world going against it?
How do you feel about your own birth in a very intuitive way? What do you think is “the”big ttheme in your life? 

(These questions can be your greatest teacher. Together, we can work on this.)

At 36, I was married and mother of two beautiful little girls 5 and 3 years old That summer, I was confronted for first time with my own  death, from an anaphylactic shock caused by a wasp incident. In the emergency room, the doctors said: ‘your lungs are filling up with water – you are drawing inside out it’s a question of minutes’. The physical pain in my heart was unbearable, I remember moving like a snake ready to scape in the hospital gurney 

I felt no fear of death. 

My only deep sorrow was that my daughters would grow up without a mother. 

I had to think of what I would tell , in ONE minute. 
I said to my husbands: ‘Take our girls to Colombia every year. Show them their roots. They need to know their roots’. 

Almost losing conscience while coughing blood, my thoughts were extremely clear: In that instant I knew I come from a place, where I was in a constant state between being wanted and not wanted, like a treath between life and death. I understood, this is the root of my being.

it felt like a miracle, I survived one and two  anaphylactic shocks.

Life was different after that. It toke me some time, while I spent days and days in deep sadnees and contraction. 

I kept of doing my inner work, at many levels, with courage and relentless. Until one day after putting many pieces of the puzzle together, I finally confronted my parents and asked them:
‘Mami, Papi, please tell me:
am I an unwished baby?’ 

My Parents answered:
‘Lilianita, dear, we always wanted you and we love you with all our hearts.’
This time, I wouldn’t beg down.
  I took the biggest leap in my life and spoke the truth:
‘Mami, Papi, I love you too.
But I am absolutely sure of that, is either that or that I am an adopted child.” 

Saying this, I thought this was too crazy. 

But the words were out. 

Silence filled the room.
My mother turned pale.
Then, she turned to my father, and said: 

‘Then you have to tell her.’

My father nodded and finally spoke the words, the truth that I was searching for all my live:
‘Lilianita, love. You are an adopted child.’ 

The truth will set you free. 
I was filled with all, love, pain, relieve, confusion and tears.
Finally, my intuition was in line with reality, most of my life 

Year after year, process after process . 
My heart was on fire. 

(Since that day, this is my only religion and my only compass:
If my heart is on fire, I know I am on the right track. ) 

Questions:  
When was your heart on fire?  
What would it take for you, to light the fire inside your heart?

Looking back, everything makes sense. 

Every single move, every tear, every crisis –  in fact they are all our guardian angel. 
Life has a divine thread and a perfect plan.  
For all of us.  
No matter how hard it sometimes is. No matter how invisible it sometimes seems. The plan is divine. 

After I learnt about my adoption, it toke me about year and a half and I found my biological family and went to Colombia.  
My mother had died exactly at the same time when I had an anaphylactic shock, when I spent three months crying and crying, back then with no apparent reason. Her sisters are still alive, cousins too. When I entered the house, there was the sacred heart of Jesus, hanging on the doorstep. The heart on fire, the same one that appeared in one dream many years ago which was my compass of love to see where to move and what to do next.  

The heart of fire was hanging there. Waiting for me. Greeting me.  
The new family received me with open arms, welcoming. Some of them touched my hair, they said: you have the same hair as your mother, and there is no need of an DNA test because you looked exactly as her. My mother never had any other children and they had no idea about my pregnancy. They told me her compass was helping other people, supporting them in hard moments in a very spiritual and loving way. She died with a broken neck, while in a very synchronic way I injured my neck in an accident riding a horse few days after I knew about my adoption. – I thought I had broken it back then.  

Her name: Edith Sofia… While I named my first daughter intuitively Eva Sophia, wishing her not to carry extra tasks from her ancestors, but rather writing a new whole story with a name that was “never present” in our family. I had no idea where this was heading after 11 years when I found out about this truth.  

Today, I feel in the right path to be more complete, still unfinished. As I understand my origins, I can remind more present than ever in my life and give myself entirely to the cause of helping others, my purpose. I am healing myself, and I know you can do it too. 

Moreover, my journey of having many mothers, has given me so many treasures.  
It taught me, that we can trespass trauma instead of being determined all our life. That we can change everything, by being our own good mother.  

 And that therefore, there is no reason to ever feel incomplete, 

Because most of our life process has so many distractors. 

We go trough life planning about: the fairytale relationship with a beloved one, to get the perfect work and assets, the family in whatever form meet our dreams. We can achieve, and we can perform. At our end, if we have not yet cultivate a true relationship with a higher dimension which sustains our every day life, gives us purpose and support our transition for a next one, everything will be so much harder for us.